101 funny quotes for when you need a real laugh (2023)

The famously funny Charlie Chaplin once said, "A day without laughter is a day wasted," and we can only agree. Whether you're having a bad day or know someone who needs a little encouragement, laughter truly is the best medicine — and there are many ways to boost your spirits. sayingcheesy jokesor watchhappy comedyis a surefire way to lighten up your day, but if you need a quick fix, we've got plentyfunny quotesguaranteed to relieve tension and create a little spot of joy amidst the stresses of life.

we havefunny quotes about love, marriage, aging,fatherhood,Friendshipand many other subjects that are just as understandable and undeniably smart. Grab your favorites for greeting cards, captions on social media, or just to print and hang above your desk to serve as a little reminder that life isn't that serious - and we'd rather laugh than cry! Featuring quotes from famous comedians like Betty White, Joan Rivers, Lucille Ball and Phyllis Diller, here are the best funny quotes to enjoy whenever you need a laugh. Looking for more inspiration? Be sure to check these outFunny graduation quoteseinspirational quotes about lifeAlso.

funny quotes about life

1. "There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking up to see."
„Mindy Kaling

2. “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos."
—Stanley Hudson,The office

3. "I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.”
-BATHROOM. fields

4. "People say money isn't the key to happiness, but I always thought if you had enough money you could have a key made."
– Joan Rivers

5. "Don't take life too seriously. You will never get out of this alive.”
–Elbert Hubbard

6. "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."
„Mae West

7. "Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don't have to worry. That always worries me!”
-Charlie Brown

8. "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears that this is true."
–James Branch Cabell

9. "I kill time waiting for life to fill me with purpose and happiness."
„Bill Watterson

10. "You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."
„Mae West

11. “If you don't succeed at first, try again. Then give up. There's no point in being an asshole about it.”
-BATHROOM. fields

12. "I love humanity...it's people I can't stand!!"
– Charles M. Schulz

13. "I think that in creating man, God slightly overestimated his abilities."
-Oscar Wilde

14. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Simply. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."
—Michael Scott,The office

15. “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe."
-Albert Einstein

16. "When life gives you lemons, squirt in someone's eye."
„Cathy Guisewite

17. “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. The transition is problematic.”
-Isaac asimov

18. "Growing up, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”
–Lily Tomlin

19. "I still have a lot to grow. I noticed that in my fortress the other day.”
-Zach Galifianakis

20. "I just want to lie on the beach and eat a hot dog. That's all I've ever wanted."
—Kevin Malone,The office

21. "Every time I want to do something, I'm like, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they wanted to, I wouldn't do it.
—Dwight Schrute,The office

22. "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
-Mark Twain

23. "I'm not crazy — I've just been in a bad mood for 40 years."
– Ouiser BoudreauxStahlmagnolien

funny quotes for friends

24. "Well, you know what they say, if you don't have anything nice to say about someone, sit next to me."
—Clairee Belcher,Stahlmagnolien

25. "A woman is like a teabag: you don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

26. "A lot of people want to ride in the limo with you, but what you want is someone to ride with you on the bus if the limo breaks down."
–Oprah Winfrey

27. “Whatever women do, they have to be twice as good as men to be considered good. Luckily that's not difficult.”
–Charlotte Whitton

28. "I drink to make other people more interesting."
-Ernest Hemingway

29. "Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy."
- Benjamin Franklin

30. "If you're in prison, a good friend will try to save you. A best friend will be in the cell next to you and say, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
„Groucho Marx

31. "I don't get mad at blonde jokes because I know I'm not stupid. And I also know that I'm not blonde."
—Dolly Parton

32. "I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet."
—Carrie Bradshaw,Sex and the City

33. “Crying is a woman thing. A beautiful woman goes shopping.”
–Blanche Devereauxthe golden girls

34. “Mental health statistics say that one in four Americans suffers from some mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're fine, then you're fine.” —Rita Mae Brown

35. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me."
–Garry Shandling

36. "People waste their time thinking about whether a glass is half full or half empty. I only drink what's in the glass."
—Sophia Petrillothe golden girls

37. "I don't care what they say about me. I just want to eat.”
—Pam Beesly,The office

38. "Don't waste so much time thinking about how much you weigh. No more annoying, boring, idiotic, self-destructive fun with the fun of life.”
-Meryl Streep

39. "EvenEUDon't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.
-Cindy Crawford

40. "I don't trust people who do their own hair. I don't think that's natural."
— Truvy Jones,Stahlmagnolien

Funny quotes about aging

41. "The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
– Lucille Ball

42. "Honey, time flies and eventually you realize it's going through your face."
— Truvy Jones,Stahlmagnolien

43. "You know you've reached middle age when your doctor, not the police, tells you to slow down."
– Joan Rivers

44. "People say, 'How come you always look so young?' I say, Good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup."
—Dolly Parton

45. "Look, you didn't ask for my opinion, but I'm old, so I'll give it anyway."
—Sophia Petrillothe golden girls

46. ​​"No matter how bad things get, remember these words of wisdom: You're old, you're giving in, get over it."
—Sophia Petrillothe golden girls

47. "You know you're getting old when you bend down to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there." —George Burns

48. "Age doesn't matter unless you're a cheese."
–Luis Bunuel

49. "As you get older, three things happen. The first is that my memory is failing and I can't remember the other two."
–Sir Norman Wisdom

Funny quotes about marriage

50. "Before you marry someone, you should first get them to use a computer with a slow internet connection to find out who they really are."
- Will Ferrell

51. “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they won't change. So everyone is inevitably disappointed.”
-Albert Einstein

52. "I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do it so often?"
–Jean Illsley Clarke

53. "Love is blind, but marriage is a true revelation."
– Pauline Thomason

54. "Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and fight.”
„Phyllis Diller

55. "The secret to a long marriage is to stay away."
—Dolly Parton

56. "The best way to convince most husbands to do something is to suggest that maybe they're too old for it."
– Shirley MacLaine

57. “As a man in a relationship, you have an easy choice. You can be right or happy.”
–Ralphie May

58. "Behind every great man there is a woman who rolls her eyes."
–Jim Carrey

short funny quotes

59. "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."
-Oscar Wilde

60. "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a wimp."
–Betty White

61. "If you can't be nice, at least be vague."
–Judith Martin

62. "Anyone who says money can't buy happiness never has."
–Samuel L. Jackson

63. "Reality continues to ruin my life."
„Bill Watterson

64. "Don't be so humble — you're not that good."
„Golda Meir

65. "Never miss a good opportunity to shut up."
„Will Rogers

66. "I've had a lot of success because I was a total jerk."
„Jerry Lewis

67. "Within the limits of the legal system, do things that make you happy."
- Ellen degenerates

68. "Heaven for the weather, hell for the company."
-Mark Twain

69. "Instant gratification takes a long time."
–Carrie Fischer

70. “Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. He was here first.”
-Mark Twain

71. "My taste is simple: I am easily satisfied with the best."
„Winston S. Churchill

72. "All the things I enjoy doing are immoral, illegal, or fattening."
–Alexander Woollcott

73. "Whoever sets the main path and how high it should be must be fired."
-Sandra Bullock

Smart quotes and sayings

74. “Be wise, for the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise and then just behave as they would.”
–Neil Gaiman

75. "Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you get lost and you see a path, then by all means you must follow it."
- Ellen degenerates

76. "People who think they know everything are a great nuisance to those of us who know."
-Isaac asimov

77. "A pessimist is a man who thinks everyone else is just as bad as he is and hates them for it."
-George Bernard Shaw

78. "Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a yacht big enough to dock right next to it."
–David Lee Roth

79. “The Lord has given us two goals: one to sit and one to ponder. Success depends on which one we use more.”
–Ann Landers

Funny quotes about fatherhood

80. "When my kids get wild and wild, I use a safe, beautiful playpen. When they're done, I'll go."
—Erma Bombeck

81. “I want my kids to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to live with them.”
–Phyllis Diller

82. "Cleaning the house while the kids are still growing is like cleaning the sidewalk before it stops snowing."
–Phyllis Diller

83. “It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, dads would do it.”
—Dorothy Zbornak,the golden girls

84. "Adults always ask kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas."
—Paula Poundstone

85. "If you're not yelling at your kids, you're not spending enough time with them."
-Reese Witherspoon

86. "There's no such thing as family fun." -Jerry Seinfeld

87. “Everyone wants to save the earth. Nobody wants to help mom wash up.”
–P.J. O'Rourke

Funny quotes about work

88. "Everything I have I owe to this job...this stupid, wonderful, boring, awesome job."
—Jim Halpert,The office

89. “An office is a place where you can enjoy life to the fullest. An office is a place where dreams come true.”
—Michael Scott,The office

90. "So this is my life—until I win the lottery."
—Jim Halpert,The office

91. "The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine you don't have one."
-Oscar Wilde

92. "Housework might not kill you, but why take the risk?"
–Phyllis Diller

93. "I hate housework. You make the beds, wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”
– Joan Rivers

94. "I like the work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
„Jerome K. Jerome

95. "I'm always late for the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
„Charles Lamb

96. "Cleaning up is like being trapped in a revolving door."
–Marcelene Cox

97. "The only thing that was ever made of it was a chicken."
–Sarah Brown

98. "You can't have a million dollar dream with the minimum wage ethic."
—Zig Ziglar

99. "All you need in this life is ignorance and faith - then success is assured."
-Mark Twain

100. "Even if you're on the right path, you'll get run over if you stop."
– Will Rogers

101. "No one is ahead of their time unless the boss is ahead."
— Groucho Marx